When a Heart Breaks

I had the honor (I guess you can call it that) to chat with a mom who lost her son to PTSD recently.  I know right where she is right now.  She is in a fog.  She is just going through the motions of life and probably not even sure how she got from point A to point B at times.  My heart breaks for her.
I've been doing some research and reading and studying anything I can get my hands on about PTSD so I can hopefully be of some help to these young men that are now my bonus sons.  One of the things that I've learned is that it is common amongst almost all of them is that these young men and women don't really know the words they need to use to express what they are going through.  They can't really tell you what is wrong and for the most part, they have been taught to be so tough that asking for help when things just don't feel quite right would be a sign of weakness to them.
I would like to take a moment here to speak to those young men and women that might (hopefully) be reading this.  It is never a sign of weakness for you to ask for help or merely tell someone close to you that you don't know what it is, but you just don't feel quite right or quite yourself.  This is the first step to healing and getting the help you need to live a full and successful life.  You can't do this on your own.  I would also like so say that your family sees a difference in you at times, but they don't know how to help or how much to step in.  Give them permission to love you enough to help you.  That's all they want to do.
I can't speak for other people, but as a mom, it is hard to watch your child struggle and not know what to do or knowing you can't do anything to help them.  It's a terrible place to be as a parent so help them out by letting them in.
As a parent, you can't always know what is going on with your child inside their minds and hearts.  They have seen and experienced things in their short lives that most of us will never experience or understand.  They probably don't even understand it themselves so how could we/you possibly understand.
All we can do is be there for them and let them know that it's ok and that there isn't anything you wouldn't do for them.  
The other thing I have noticed is these young men and women are more likely to reach out to each other before even family.  I believe they do this because they know they are the only ones that really get what they are going through as they lived it with them.  I would encourage you guys, if one of your brothers comes to you and shares their heart with you and you believe it is enough that they need to speak to someone professional, try to find a way to let someone know.  We don't want to see any other family lose a child because of this war either in action or as a result of this silent disease PTSD.  
I also believe in my heart that these young men and women worry more about being a burden on their loved ones and I think that too keeps them from sharing.  In addition, I have to believe they don't discuss their experience of war with most (if anyone) people, because they don't want to re-live that experience and maybe they are afraid if they talk about it, it will become too real again.  
I'm not an expert by any means and I'm certainly not a very intelligent person, but I love these boys my son served with and I have watched and listened to them and I have a true burden on my heart to help them and the parents of our fallen heroes that won't allow me to stop thinking about this.  I need to do something, but I don't know what.  I can promise you that I will do all I can to figure that out and to promise to do all I can to make sure there is a difference made even if it is just one person.
If you are a parent of a service member, you know how tight this band of brothers is and I for one love seeing that closeness.  Here is a picture that was taken in CA after a much needed cookout with Tebo, myself, and just some of our new bonus kids and while they aren't all in this picture, I believe this picture gives you a glimpse into how much they love each other and I believe it is a love that will carry on for the rest of their lives.  Enjoy these smiles.  I know I do every day.
 

The Mountain Dew Gang.  :)  5-25-11 in CA at Camp Pendleton
Most everyone wearing a Mountain Dew t-shirt in honor of Chad!



He sure loved this t-shirt...  :)



PTSD... Taking too many too soon

I have been sadly aware of PTSD http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/post-traumatic-stress-disorder since this horrible war began, but nothing like when Chad was killed.  I have watched some of his closets friends struggle with this (mostly in private) disease.  I heard from a Veteran and friend today that he met several Gold Star Moms http://www.goldstarmoms.com/ that lost their sons (Marines) to suicide as a result of PTSD.  That saddens me beyond words.

This friend of mine (to remain nameless as I didn't get his permission to use his name) is working to get a non-profit together to help these young men and women suffering with this disease.  I know it takes time and a lot of red tape to get one started, but it's a start.  It is truly a silent killer, I believe.

He did tell me of a couple of organizations that are out there currently to help such as RWB http://www.teamrwb.org/ and The Mission Continues http://missioncontinues.org/, but these guys can't do it alone.  There are too many of our men and women suffering out there and we as a Nation need to be concerned and care enough to get involved. 

Last night I saw a very cool story about a band "Band of Brothers" http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-3445_162-57611639/band-of-brothers/ where a rock and roll legend, Roger Walters of Pink Floyd, saw a need and understood or believed that music can be a healer and pulled together a group of wounded warriors to great this band.  These guys are amputees, double amputees, triple amputees, and so on.  They either play an instrument or sing or both.  I encourage you to check them out.  It is an amazing story and will give you chills and maybe even cause a little "awesomeness" to leak out of your eyes when you hear their story and see what the healing power of music is doing for these guys.  Thank you, Roger Walters, for having a vision and making a difference. 

I wish I could take each and every military member suffering with PTSD http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/post-traumatic-stress-disorder and wrap my arms around them and tell them we are truly here for them.  That is the very least we can do for these fine men and women who sacrifice and endure so much for us.  Make it more personal if you have to.  They have sacrificed, endured, and seen more horrific things than a person (especially with most of these being 18 to early to mid 20's) should have to experience in a lifetime for ME.  They did this for ME and YOU!  We should all be asking ourselves, what can I do for THEM!

I challenge you to get outside your comfort zone and be willing to offer a helping hand.  It doesn't have to cost you anything, but a little time a hug or a smile or a conversation.  I believe we are all capable of doing that.

Something I think about at times like this is when I hear or see people get so emotional when those commercials about sick or abused animals come on TV and yet they might hear a commercial or hear someone speak of PTSD and it's as though no words were spoken.  That bothers me.  I'm not saying everyone does this, but I have seen my fair share of those that do and that is difficult for me.

I pledge to be one of the ones that will step out of my comfort zone and offer a hand no matter what that might be if I am at all in a position to do so.  It might just be a kind word or paying for a meal or better yet, just listening.

If you are a member of the military or have a loved one who is/was and are suffering from PTSD and you are reading this, you can reach out to me and I will listen and do anything I can to help you or steer you in the right direction.  If you are a mom who has lost a child in this war regardless how, I am willing to listen and be a support for you. 

These young men and women have burned a place in my heart that will never go away and as long as there are those suffering with this terrible disease or someone who has lost a child or loved one in this horrific war, I will always be here to listen and offer what I can.

Lord, please be with each and every member of our Military at home or abroad and give them the physical and mental strength to face each day.  Lord, also be with their families and close friends that walk these steps with them and give them the peace and understanding they need to encourage and support them in this honorable job they have chosen to do on our behalf.  Amen.

Happy Veterans' Day 2013

To all our Veterans who have served or still serving we would like to say THANK YOU!  I wish, we as a Nation, would do a better job collectively of thank you every day rather than certain times of the year, but it's my hope that you are shown appreciation more today than in days past. 

I'm so proud of our company Tyson Foods, Inc. and Walmart for making such a great effort to hire our Veterans.  It makes me proud that not only myself, but my husband, and two of our daughters work for Tyson Foods, Inc. and we have the honor each day to see just what we do for our Veterans and how we honor them, but more than that, giving them a job and help with the transition into civilian life again.

The sad stories that we have experienced with so many Veterans not being able to find work is heartbreaking.  It does my heart good to see how these two companies are going above and beyond to hire these heroes.  I am certain there are many more companies joining this effort, but these two I know personally are doing so and with Tyson Foods, Inc. and their Camo to Khaki program sets a new higher level of pride within me just knowing I am a part of a company doing great things.

With all that said, thank you to all our Veterans who have ever worn the uniform and signed on that dotted line to serve and sacrifice even if it's with their own lives for our freedoms.  I hope you always feel the appreciation from a very grateful Nation! 

Picture courtesy of http://www.va.gov/opa/vetsday/poster/vetsday07.jpg

   

When you take advantage of a teaching opportunity... Priceless

One of our neighbors from our old neighborhood reached out to me asking if I knew any specific Troops that her son's 6th grade class could send care packages to.  I started doing some checking and got some names and addresses for her.

She took her son shopping last night and she found the perfect way to take this kind act and turn it into a learning experience for her son.

Most of us adults don't really comprehend how much our Troops need the simple things we take for granted while deployed.  Things like washing machines and dryers aren't there for their convenience and depending on where they are located they may not even have showers and if they do have showers, most don't have hot water.  If most of us adults aren't aware, how would we expect our children to know unless someone teaches them.

I love how our friend was able to take this simple act of kindness and turn it into a very teachable moment and not only did it teach her son how little our troops have when they deploy, but I believe it taught him compassion, understanding, and gratitude.  One small example of how she showed him what he was doing was so important is when she had the chance to explain how important a container of powder is to them.  He couldn't figure it out so she explained that they put it in their boots and on places that get rubbed raw.  It made it more real for him.  She then explained to him that they will appreciate getting things they desperately need or would just like to have to remind them of home from someone other than their families would mean so much to them and she is correct.  Chad even said once how touched he was when a group from a church sent him a care package and wrote notes to him and they didn't even know him.  It truly does touch their hearts that total strangers will take their time and money and do something for them when many times I fear they think we have forgotten about them.

They know their families aren't forgetting about them, but when someone outside their family, especially children, are thinking about them and thanking them for what they are doing I believe it gives them a little boost of moral that they need when they are so disconnected from the real world.

His mom said it gave the two of them a change to talk about what they miss out on and why they need the things on the list they were given.  While just seeing the list and purchasing them on her way home may have seemed easier for her to do, she decided to take him along and use this as a teaching opportunity for him.  So for "Jacob" and his mom, thank you and hopefully this will inspire more parents to get their kids out there and get them involved with sending care packages to our Troops.

With the holidays coming up these young men and women are away from home and families (some for the first time ever) so image how it will warm their hearts to receive care packages from people all over the U.S.  Knowing we are still supporting them and not forgetting that they are still over there fighting a very real war.  It couldn't have been better timing for all this to happen with November being Military Appreciation month and Veterans' Day coming up as well as the Marine Corps birthday.  I'm proud to have had them as neighbors and still have them as friends.

Picture courtesy of www.rrdailyherald.com 

Picture courtesy of www.operationcarepackages.org

Picture courtesy of theshoppingmama.com

Picture courtesy of www.takepart.com

Picture courtesy of brooklyncupcake.wordpress.com 

If you ever doubted if your efforts were appreciated, this last picture says enough...  Thank you to all who give and send care packages and a very special thank you to our Troops home and abroad for your service and sacrifice and for all past, present, and future.  WE ARE A GRATEFUL NATION!

Wings for Our Troops 3rd Annual Golf Tournament!

Wings for Our Troops 3rd Annual Golf Tournament!

Tyson Foods, Inc. and Wings for Our Troops raising money for our Troops

Tyson Foods, Inc. and Wings for Our Troops raising money for our Troops

When Honor contiues...

I don't think I will ever get use to the love and honor Chad's friends continue to show for him even now.  There are more little boys (and some puppies) that carry on Chad's name in some fashion or another.  They may use Stafford or Wade and now I am proud to announce that there will be a Chad Rodriguez arriving in March. 
I haven't thought of this in many years (obviously), but as parents we usually always look up the meaning of our child's name (well, at least I did).  Chad means:  Protector; Defender...  How appropriate was his name now?  I never thought it would really live out what it meant so for all of those that have been so loving and willing to carry on his name whether it be a little boy or a beloved pet, first, Thank You, but also know that he will continue to be your protector and defender as you carry this strong name onward.
As parents, we can't say enough to truly express our appreciation and thanks for loving our Chad and continuing to honor him like you do.
I hope it's ok if I share some of the photos I have of some of my baby boy's namesakes... They mean the world to us and always will as will their parents.

Noahh Stafford Honeyman

Bentley Wade McQuillian



TJ's Wade #1



The future Chad (Chadio) Rodriguez

Since I don't have a picture of Camden Wade Tippett, I will show you the picture of his daddy, Chip with Zach Seabaugh, Shawn Spratt, & Chadman

As a parent it's really hard to put into words what it means when someone loves your child enough to want to share his name with their own child.  A child's name is something that is extremely special and something parents long to make meaningful for them and their family and for these young men and women to make Chad such a part of their lives like this means more than I can express. 
All I can do is say thank you and I will cover you and your family in my prayers always.